Looking back...

So often I read quotes that say, "don't look back you can't change the past." "Don't look back because the past doesn't matter, only the future." But they are wrong! There is nothing wrong with looking back..especially if it makes you smile. I look back often on my life and although I carry regrets, I'm never looking back with them in mind. I look back at the good times in my life, the people who have brought me to where I am today, I look back at how far I've come as a woman and an adult. I've gone through so many changes and I'm much happier now than I ever have been not because I've achieved or obtained the things I want in life but because I've realized what it takes and I'm working hard to get there. The distance between a & b is only shortened when you begin the journey. As much as I'm looking forward to my successes, I'm enjoying the trip. So look back so that when you look forward you don't just see how far you have to go, you can see how far you have come. Looking back but moving forward   :)   xxxo

To my grandma's

I am so lucky to know my grandparents. Not everyone has had the opportunity to meet theirs, even moreover I am so blessed to have such great relationships with mine! Growing up I lived close enough to both that I was able to see them regularly. They weren't strangers in my life like I see with Eva and Tylers. My grandmothers have been such a big part of my life for as long as I remember but even more so in the past few years. I can tell them anything. They give me advice and support with understanding who I am as a person. They love me for who and I am what I accomplish, they never push their agenda on my life. Its a special unique bond that I share with both of them separately. I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination but I do pray that they stay with my for a long time to come because I enjoy sharing my life with them and look forward to them being apart of who I am becoming as an adult. I love you both so much!! xxo

Vows

By definition a vow is a promise or an oath.. it isn't necessarily for marriage or religion. My vow is to myself. This particular vow isn't about my health, diet, education, etc. It is a vow to myself to surround myself and fill my life with only people who believe my happiness is important. Too often I allow someone to make me feel insignificant for a multiple of reasons. But I can't do that to myself anymore, I deserve better! This is for my soul. Happiness is the most important thing. Its what the earliest philosophers understood was the driving force in the universe. So I too shall focus on my happiness. Its not about money, image, beauty, or any other truly unimportant reason..its to love and be loved in return. To those who I love and love me in return, thank  you for your forgiveness when I've wronged you. Thank you for your shoulder when I needed to cry. Thank you for your hand when I was falling. Thank you for being apart of my life. No one owes anything to you, doesn't matter if they are family or not. They have chosen to be apart of my world and that is truly an amazing gift! There is a new Tim McGraw song out that fits how I feel about all the positive changes I've made in my life lately.. "I ain't no angel. I've still got a few more dances with the devil. I'm cleaning up my act little by little. I'm getting there. I can finally stand the 'wo'man in the mirror I see. I ain't as good as I'm gonna get but I'm better than I used to be!!"

I vow to love me because you love me! xxo

3 days..

Ok so I haven't worked out, haven't won the lottery, haven't started to plan traveling the world.. have not changed much except reducing my portions and cutting back on my addiction of nuts and I feel amazing today!! I've been eating clean for a while now but I knew I was overeating. I was finding I was constantly hungry and couldn't feel full no matter how much I would eat in a sitting or even all day! But with a few consistent days of disciple and determination I finally have gotten back to my plan and I feel amazing! I don't have a headache and I can't stop smiling! I can't wait to do some lifting!!!  Hope you all are well and wonderful!! xxo

Tired

Not just because its late but I'm tired of being disappointed in myself! Tired of having excuses, tired of not managing my time well enough!! Starting tomorrow I need to find another level of drive to push myself!! Tired of dreaming, I can do it, I just need to push myself :)  Here comes the hulk!

Before the body, the mind

In order to become physically strong, you must be emotionally ready. If you aren't there in your mind it won't matter what you try to do with your body. Your heart has to be in it 100%. I haven't had that the past few weeks. Its stressful because I so badly want to be at the gym, working hard and then eating clean but with my constant migraines and strange stomach aches, lack of sleep and stress from school its been hard to find the extra emotional strength to push myself. I pretty spent all week eating way too much of everything I enjoy that I am forcing myself to stop buying. I am going to start eating raw/natural. Nothing pre-prepared. From peanut butter to oatmeal packages. Oh god its going to be different. But I don't have the strength to say no, so I need to take control of my life in another way!

So it begins...

So as an excuse to become more healthy and focused on my long term goals I have decided that I will partake in Lent. I'm sure my parents would be happy even if I'm not doing it for religious reasons. But in my goals to move completely away from processed foods, I am giving up "treats". Now to different people this means different things. I am giving up anything that isn't homemade and "natural". For example this means giving up the Carnation instant breakfast powder I use to make my skim milk chocolate. As well as pita chips, Quaker instant oatmeal packets, dried cherries from the store...etc. I eat very clean now so it was hard to say I'm giving anything up per say. So in addition to eating natural and "raw" foods (that doesn't mean uncooked meats), I plan to add 1 session a week with my trainer for my muscles, 1 class a week of yoga for my soul, as well as more sleep each night for my mind. This isn't going to negatively affect school or anything else I am currently invested in, I'm hoping it makes me a greater person all around because you get back what you put out in the world! If you want awesomeness, than you must exude it first! Best of luck everyone in your adventures, if you get lost don't forget there are always people willing to help you find your way back!! xxo