Back to class....

My biggest fears in life have always been abandonment, letting go of people, and failure. So I did everything I could as a young adult to prevent those things from happening. Leaving before I was left and building up a wall so not to get to close to people, not letting go of people even after they became toxic--I know those seem kind of contradicting but don't expect me to understand my ways...bc even I don't understand it. And finally not putting myself out there so I couldn't fail..I was just coasting.Well it wasn't just the new year that brought on change. I've been trying to fix my downfalls for well over a year. Its definitely a process, not an easy one to change who you had become. But I too well that anything great in life doesn't come easy! So here's to my year of trying hard to correct my mistakes. I stopped going to school because I wasn't the direction I wanted to head and I didn't want to waste time and money. But I also was afraid that I would fail. I don't handle rejection well, as many other people don't but I was thinking only of myself. I was letting myself and a lot of other people who cared about me down. I can't be selfish anymore. I have to grow up. Someday I'll be a wife and eventually a mother so I have to remember that as much as I am important I won't always be the only person I need to take care of. So tonight at 710mtn time I go back to school FULL TIME! Its kinda scary and sad because most people I told I was taking 15 credit hrs including internet classes said wow good luck! They don't have much faith in me! :(   Kinda sad..but instead of like in the past, I'm going to use this to prove them wrong. Its my goal to get the best grades I've ever gotten. Not only for me but those who stand by my side and constantly support me!! Love you so much Grandma and Aunt Margie!! You guys are my greatest support!! xxxooo